It Still Hurts
by Shadow Girl45
Summary: I keep reading all of these sad stories lately so I just had to write one of my own. WARINING! I CANNOT PROMISE THAT YOU WON'T CRY! Read at your own risk! I dare you! :)


**_Sometimes you need to cry. But you can't no matter how hard you try. It's as if your problems don't deserve your tears. Well, if you need to cry or tear up, or even just feel sad. This story is for you. WARNING! DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE SAD OR IN TEARS! Please review. Also, this is not a fanfic, but a story. Some readers may relate to it and some may not. But if you're like me, and can't cry unless you read something depressing or something like that. If you need to cry or be sad, I suggest you read this. Also, to really set the mood, I advise you listen to Martina McBride - Concrete Angel while reading this. So...umm... let me know of your reactions to the story by reviewing. Thanks! :)_**

* * *

Here I am again, curled up on my bed with the pictures around me.

Pictures of us. When you and I were something great.

I'm so sorry it can't still be this way.

My eyes drift over to the picture of us at the park.

I remember that day.

We were ten.

_Our sisters had soccer practice and we both came just so we could see each other._

_The park had a playground near by._

_We walked to it, talking and laughing._

_I cherished every moment, thinking 'so this is what real friendship is like'._

_You were always laughing and doing silly things._

_You always were more of a thrill seeker than me._

_I remember watching you hang upside down from the top of the tall monkey bars._

_I was too afraid to do it. But you weren't._

_We laughed and screamed, acting like the stupid kids we were._

_You threw your water bottle at me and it burst open._

_Instead of being upset, we laughed._

_And when you got thirsty, we shared mine._

_You gave me some of your gum that had been in your mouth saying it was a 'thank you' for letting you drink from my water bottle._

_I dried it off and chewed it. It tasted like berries._

_We laughed and talked some more._

_Then we rolled down the big hill at the top of the playground, laughing and screaming at the same time._

_Our hair was messed up but we didn't care._

_We took a picture while making silly faces._

_We talked some more and then we had to leave..._

My eyes move over to the next picture.

We were thirteen in this one.

_You came over my house for a sleepover._

_We went swimming in my backyard._

_I remember us beating each other with the pool noodles and disagreeing over who won the match._

_We tried screaming under the water to see if the other heard._

_We gave each other piggy back rides._

_Everything was perfect._

_Eventually, we got out so we could eat._

_My mom made your favorite. Spaghetti._

_You must've eaten about three plates worth before you were done._

_Then we got ice-cream for desert. It was delicious._

_You smiled as you gave yourself a chocolate moustache._

_We laughed and talked._

_When we were finished, we headed up to my room._

_I showed you my new nail polish kit and we painted our nails._

_You brought some of your makeup and we gave each other makeovers._

_We even pretended to be drunk on the floor, making up all kinds of goofy stories._

_Later that night, we discussed our problems._

_We told secrets that were only meant for the other to hear._

_You took my duct tape kit and made a bracelet._

_I played with my duct tape glasses._

_We took a picture with abnormally big smiles._

_The rest of the night we just layed in my bed talking for hours until the sun came up..._

I look at the last picture.

We were fifteen.

_We were walking in the woods by your uncle's house._

_We had been fighting lately but now everything seemed to be normal again._

_After we had taken this picture you looked a lot different._

_You looked sad._

_I asked you what was wrong._

_You looked at me and whispered. "I'm sorry..."_

_"What for?" I asked.._

_You took a deep breath and screamed at me. "I'M DONE!"_

_I was shocked._

_"What are you talking about?" was all I could say._

_"Just stop it..." you said bitterly._

_"What's wrong Amy?" I said. "You can tell me. I'm your best friend."_

_"No!" you yelled at me, tears covering your face. "You aren't!"_

_I tried to say something but you cut me off._

_"Look, I'm sorry but this isn't working anymore!" you shouted. "You and I just don't mix like we used to! It's gotten so boring talking with you! I can hardly text you back anymore! I have other friends now! I don't need you anymore!"_

_"I don't understand..." I said, feeling tears coming forward. "What's wrong...?"_

_"Just shut up and go Katie!" you screamed._

_My heart dropped._

_What just happened?_

_You looked at me angrily._

_I backed up._

_"Just get outta here!" you yelled._

_I turned and ran __home in tears. _

_That night, I didn't sleep. All I could do was cry. My heart was shattered._

_You were my only friend..._

My eyes turn away from the pictures.

More memories begin to come forward.

_After that day you were never the same._

_You ignored me like I was nothing._

_You started hanging out everyone else._

_Not just one person in particular._

_You were always smiling and laughing like nothing had happened._

_I went into severe depression._

_I would cry myself to sleep at night._

_Sometimes I would scream._

_My parents would always rush in and comfort me._

_But they never knew why I would scream._

_I started to see a therapist._

_He was nice. His name was Joseph. _

_I liked to call him Joey._

_I used to talk to him about my problems like I used to talk to you._

_He would listen and sometimes reply. But he mostly kept to himself._

_He told my parents I was severely depressed and needed to take medication._

_Soon I became dependent on the pills..._

_I never did get over you or what you said..._

I sigh and curl up even tighter.

_Several months later I received the news._

_You were dead. No explanation except that you hung yourself while your parents were out._

_I remember crying my eyes out._

_Even after the heartache you caused me I still loved you._

_For days I did nothing but cry._

_Then it was time for your funeral._

_I wore I black dress and black heels._

_My makeup had been done perfectly and I looked better than I ever have before._

_I was quiet when I looked at the casket._

_It was black and shiny. _

_I couldn't help but get the feeling that it was my fault._

_I don't know why but I did._

_Your mom walked over to me and handed me a tape, tears on her face._

_I took it with a shaky hand and slipped it into my coat pocket._

_Everyone walked outside for the procession._

_I held back my tears as I watched them lower you into the earth._

_When they started to bury you I screamed._

_Everyone turned to me as I broke down sobbing._

_I was screaming so loud someone asked if they should call the paramedics._

_But I didn't stop. I couldn't watch them bury you._

_Not you. Not the girl who loves pizza, music, dancing, having a good time, is loyal as hell, will always love you no matter what._

_Not the girl who saved me from myself..._

_Eventually my throat was sore and it was time to leave._

_I went home in tears._

_I made my way to my room and played the tape._

_You were standing in your room with a noose around your neck._

_You spoke softly, you were scared. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Mommy and Daddy I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough daughter. Lilly I'm sorry for failing my job as an older sister."_

_You said your apologies to everyone you could think of._

_Then tears fell from your eyes. "Katie... if you can see this, know that I'm so sorry for what I did. I know I was never good enough for you and before I did this I wanted you to see that. I love you so much, you've saved me so many times and didn't even know it. I hope you can forgive me for everything I did. You were too good of a person to be burdened with my problems. I'm sorry..."_

_You held the remote to the camera in your hand as you turned it off._

_The tape ended and I broke down in tears once more..._

I feel tears coming forward but I don't let them fall.

I'm sorry I couldn't save you this time.

I'm sorry I didn't see the signs.

It's been five years now and I still miss you.

I always thought you saved me but we saved each other.

You lost your strength and will, but you gave me mine again.

I've finally gotten my life back in order.

I'm off the pills. I hope you're proud of me.

I write to you in a special book every day. I have several of these books now from over the years.

Maybe you read them, maybe you don't. I hope you do...

Where ever you are, I hope you're happy and loved.

Please don't forget about me.

You'll always be my best friend.

I love you!

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**_I know... depressing... well hopefully my next story will end happier! Let me know how you reacted to this story by reviewing! See ya! :)_**


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